Why PTSD + PCOS = G.R.O.W. Part #1 of 5

Growing Room Often Works

Giving yourself room to grow. That’s a hard one. We are all “set in our ways”, or are we? It took me a long time to realize, that the person I had let myself become, was not who I wanted to become. No one can make you change, it has to be what you want. I’ve used so many excuses over the years of why I am the way that I am, and sometimes, it is so easy to fall back on those excuses. It is an every day process, that is not easy. I have to want the change, or I will never be a better me.

Blaming the bad relationship

For about 13 years, I had been in 3 long term relationships. Each had their problems, and with each, I blamed the bad relationship on my behavior. It wasn’t me, it was them. It was because it wasn’t meant to be, I would say. It became an excuse to come home angry and start a fight. It became an excuse to explode and break every single glass dish in the house I could find. Because I was justified, and I had a right to be angry, because I deserved better!!

By the time I met my husband, I realized, it was not just the bad relationships, it was me. Why do we blame everyone but ourselves? I realized I didn’t like who I was when I was in these fits of tantrum and rage. I learned I didn’t have to take each reaction as an explosion. When I decided to have no more bad relationships, I decided it wouldn’t be that way anymore. I was happy being a new me, and I was happy with who my husband was. More importantly, we could care less about each other’s flaws. I now look back and realize, why did I even stay in those other relationships, trying to force them to fit my needs?

Repeat these words after me:

You can get out of a bad relationship.

You can get out of a bad relationship.

Say it like you mean it…..

YOU CAN GET OUT OF A BAD RELATIONSHIP!

You can! There is no reason why you should stay. Do you want to know why? Because you can NEVER change another person. You can only change yourself. That person can decide to change, but you cannot and will not EVER change them. That’s exactly why those other relationships were bad, because I didn’t like myself. I tried changing how the other person behaved to form into my wants and needs.

Hard lesson to learn, it’s not all about me.

I don’t really know what made me change so instantly, I just knew I didn’t want to be so angry and stressed out all the time. I didn’t want another bad relationship. I didn’t want to waste another 13 years of my life. When I knew my husband didn’t want to change me, and I didn’t want to change him, that we would love and accept the PTSD, the depression, the anxiety, the PCOS, the possibility of no children ever, and the acceptance of eating differently because of type 1 diabetes, I knew I had to change to keep the relationship healthy.

I

had to change, not him. So through trial and error, and prayer, and learning from other people with healthy relationships, I learned how to talk like a normal sane person  and bring up issues in a calm manor. I learned that dishes are not for throwing. I learned how important it is to have dishes on hand, so they can actually be used for food! (Say what???)

If I had to attribute my change to anything, it was this book.

It taught me a lot about a healthy marriage. (Yes, there is one titled “For Men Only” too). I realized that men think and react differently, and that is not a bad thing. I stopped creating fears in my head…Why did he say it like that? What did he mean? 

You know those stories. We all make them. If you want to find the truth, go to the source, change yourself, stop trying to change your spouse. Laugh and cry, and admit your faults, and your spouse will do the same.

Stop blaming the relationship.

Matthew 7:3 (KJV)

³ And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
photo credit: Loop via photopin (license)